Tea for Three
In the Only fools and horses episode “Tea for Three”, a number of cuts have taken place. These cuts take place on the UK DVD. The US DVD is uncut.
The first cut to take place is in the first scene of the episode with the Trotters talking to Lisa in the Nags head.
Around 5 minutes 50 seconds into the episode, after Lisa’s line “I remember him saying to uncle Trig, this time next year it will be a Mercedes, I was so impressed.” The following is cut:
Lisa: “Oh I must be honest, I had a silly little crush on you.“
Del: “Did you?“
Rodney “Yeah well that’s because he was a much older man weren’t he, you was just a little kid“.
Del: “Of course Rodney is a year younger than you ain’t he sweetheart“.
Lisa: “Yeah about that yeah“
The DVD then starts again here with Lisa asking Del if he ever got the Mercedes.
The next cut takes place about 20 seconds later, after Del suggests Lisa can come to the flat and stay for tea. The following is cut.
Lisa: “You mean dinner?“
Del: “No, no, we get dinner down the market. You know, I meant tea, proper tea.“
The DVD then starts again here with Lisa saying she would love to.
About 15 seconds later the same scene, In the original version we see uncle Albert sign a song at the end of the scene, this has been removed in commercial releases due to music rights issues. The actual song uncle Albert is singing is “Hey There” by Rosemary Clooney. The DVD jumps straight to the next scene in the Trotters’ flat.
Text in red is cut
Lisa: “Look, why don’t we have tea together? Then the three of us can talk about the old times.”
Del: “Yeah…Alright then.”
Rodney: “Fine.”
Lisa: “Oh good.”
Rodney: “Yeah, great.”
Lisa: “Isn’t that your uncle?”
Del: “What’s that soppy old duffer up to?”
Albert: “I’d like to sing a very special song for a very special song for a very special lady who unfortunately ain’t with me tonight. I like to think this song was named after my dear sick wife. It is that beautiful ballad, “Ada”.”
Del: “Ada”?
Lisa: “Is there a song called “Ada”?”
Rodney: “Well there must be, he’s about to sing it.”
Albert: “Ada, you with the stars in your eyes, love never made a fool of you.”
Another cut occurs in the next scene of the episode with Rodney in the sunbed. The cut occurs as Del is talking to Rodney. The reason for this cut is not known. The cut results in the following lines being lost.
Text in red is cut.
Rodney: “God, you look like a geriatric ball-boy.”
Albert: “You two were niggling each other last night and you’ve been bickering all morning, I’m fed up with yer. I’m going down the Legion.”
Del: ”Well, just make sure that you put on a pair of trousers on first. There’s a lot of stray dogs on this estate! Anyway, I better make sure we’ve got enough Smash in for Lisa’s tea.”
Rodney: “Right, I’m gonna have a quick tone-up, a nice shower and I am sorted! Oi, how’d you turn this thing on for ‘alf an hour?”
Later on in the same scene, another small cut occurs when uncle Albert is talking to Rodney. Again its not clear why this cut has taken place.
Uncle Albert: “…………I’m frightened history’s about to repeat itself. I don’t wanna see that happen to you and Del. I know this may come as a shock to you Rodney, Rodney!, Bloody Kids!.”
Del: ” Oi, Rodney! I’m gonna whip down the shops for another packet of Smash and some Brut so I want you to…Rodney…Ah, he’s gone to sleep bless him. So you want to get a nice tan for the girl then do you? I’ll give you a nice tan alright”
In the next scene in which the Trotters have sat down to dinner with Lisa, a number of cuts take place. Some of these cuts is to remove offensive words
Text in red is cut.
Lisa: “Oh, not too much I got to be up early in the morning.”
Del: “Just a little topperooni – there we go, Come on Rodney. Oi, come on,
bring your cheese.”
Lisa: “I really think Rodney should go to hospital with his face.”
Del:”Yeah, I know, I’ve been telling him that for years!”
Del: “How!”
Lisa: “Does your face hurt?”
Rodney: “Only when I smile.”
Del: “It’s amazing how nature compensates”
Lisa “What you mean?”
Del: “Well with a face like that his got nothing to smile about as he”.
Rodney: “Here you are Lisa, We have a selection of cheeses, We got cheddar, that’s double Gloucester and that one’s cracker barrel.“
Del: “Shhhh”
Rodney: “Well, The p**i didn’t have a lot of choice, did he?, this ain’t really Lymeswold territory.”
Lisa: “Oh I’m sorry Rodney I really couldn’t eat another thing, it was a lovely meal, thank you both.”
Del: “Oh that’s alright.”
Del: “Listen Rodney, I wouldn’t stand about in that suit too long if I were you, not with your head!”
Lisa: “Why not?”
Del: “Well, he looks like a Swan Vesta! You’ve only got yourself to blame, haven’t you?“
Rodney: “I didn’t think the timer on that thing was faulty.”
Del: “yeah. Oh, yeah…”
Rodney: “I only wanted a 30-minute tone-up, Two and a half hours I was under there.”
Del: “It’ll al be right, be alright, Don’t worry about it Rodney, because in a couple days’ time it goes all flaky and scabby, then it falls off, and it’ll be gone, see?”
Rodney: “How’s your mum these days Lisa?”
The episode then continues on the DVD without further cuts.